The Feminine Leader Series helps aspiring women leaders understand the power of their platform. As a feminine leader in the 21st century you need to influence and impact hundreds, thousands and millions and when you can impact millions, “Your Platform Is Your Power”. My guest experts share their own experiences on how their creativity, passion and purpose evolved into a personal brand, especially a feminine empowerment brand that has positioned them as a visionary voice and celebrated leader in their industry. Our Feminine Leaders also share their journey of vulnerability, bringing their voice into the world and challenges of visibility. I hope you get inspiration and tips from these brave souls and rising stars!

Today, we have a very special guest with an incredible story to share, Rachael Pontillo. Rachael is the bestselling author of the book Love Your Skin, Love Yourself, and co-author of The Sauce Code. She’s an AADP and IAHC Board Certified International Health Coach, licensed aesthetician; and natural skincare formulator and educator. She’s the president and co-founder of the Nutritional Aesthetics™ Alliance, the creator of the popular skincare and healthy lifestyle blog, Holistically Haute™, as well as the 6-week online course, Create Your Skincare. Rachael received her health coaching education from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition®, where she was the recipient of the school’s prestigious Health Leadership Award, and her aesthetics education from the Vision Academy Paul Mitchell School. She also has a Bachelor of Science degree from Philadelphia University and Masters of Metaphysical Science from the University of Metaphysics. She is currently pursuing her Ph.D. in Holistic Life Counseling. Rachael also holds additional certifications in metaphysical science, detoxification, acupressure, Reiki, Chinese Facial Diagnosis, and Ayurveda. She’s an avid herbalist, self-professed skincare ingredient junkie, and lifelong learner.

How has your life experience made you the leader you are today?

My life experience has made me the leader I am today in so many ways. I went through a great deal of my younger years–as a child, teen, and young adult–feeling like I needed to seek everyone’s approval to be good enough. I wanted to be the best behaved kid to my divorced parents, the best older sister to my siblings, the best student, the best friend…later the best girlfriend, employee, etc…and I never paid attention to what I wanted–except I knew I wanted to be pretty. Don’t get me wrong, everyone told me I was pretty–but that I would be so much prettier if only I had clear skin.

So no matter how hard I tried to be the “best” to everyone and everything, every time I looked in the mirror, I felt flawed and ugly. I felt wrong. If someone disapproved of me, or didn’t give me the attention I wanted, I automatically thought it was because of my skin. I became obsessed with trying to scrub or pick off blemishes, cover it with makeup, and not meet my own eyes in my reflection. I also gained serious body image issues with post pregnancy weight, which is what finally pushed me to realize that I needed to feel at home in my own body. I was now a mother of two little girls and did not want them to ever feel the way I felt about myself, and I realized I had to be the one to model self-love, self-acceptance, and self-confidence to them.

So I took it upon myself to change everything–how I ate, how I moved, how I approached life, how I spoke to myself in my mind. I changed my touch from punishing to loving, and I learned to prioritize self-care and allow myself to be seen and heard (even when I wanted to hide), so that my girls could have a strong feminine role model at home.

This calling to be a role model continued as I built my coaching practice and online course, and continues as I write more and speak more. Though holistic skincare is my business, my mission is to support women to know the Goddess within themselves, and step up as the leaders they too are meant to be.

How did writing and broadcasting present a challenge to you while you were building your platform?

I faced many challenges when I began writing my blog, presenting webinars, doing YouTube videos and my podcast because I was the last generation to grow up without the Internet. I had to learn all these skills–blogging, video, social media, podcasting, writing my books, email marketing, PR, etc–on my own either through books or online education. I also found I needed more formal education if I was going to write from an informed position, so I went back to school not once but three times. I felt that I had no option though, because I felt charged with a message that needs to get out. And while finding the right resources and teachers presented other challenges–those of time and money–I knew I had no choice and that if I ignored this calling, I’d let myself down, and also ignore my dharma–which I was not about to do. I’m still learning how all this works, and I’m still growing my skill set, though I’m grateful now to have amazing team members–though giving up control and asking for help was another challenge still! I love a challenge though, because in my life, I’ve learned that the very best things come after a challenge. Pregnancy and childbirth were no easy feat, yet I got two amazing daughters. Marriage also isn’t always easy, yet I’m about to celebrate 17 years with my husband. Writing books is certainly hard, but I have a 5-star-rated Amazon bestseller. And the list goes on.

The challenges will continue to come, and I will continue to meet them, and overcome them. And I love that.

What advice can you offer to women who want a career in your industry?

Always listen to the Goddess within you–your inner voice, your higher self.

Most often, you don’t need anyone’s advice because you already have the answers if you ask and then create the inner headspace and heartspace to listen and hear. If you are going to ask for advice, ask only the advice of those who you truly respect and who have viable advice to offer.

This means, that as much as you love your mom or best friend, if they’re not in online business, chances are their advice will frustrate you more than it can help. It’s great to work with coaches to provide unbiased feedback, or bounce ideas around with–I’ve worked with several amazing coaches over the years and continue to–but don’t let someone else’s experience dilute your own process of self-discovery. You have to learn who you are personally and professionally–and what your core values are. You have to be firm on your negotiable and non-negotiables with things like boundary setting and time management.

What do you think is the biggest challenge for modern women aspiring to lead and spread their message?

Self-doubt. Patriarchal society has taught for millennia that women’s opinions are not valid on their own. We’ve had to ask permission, have our facts checked (often by men with lesser qualifications), and work twice as hard to play on an even field both at work and at home. Double that for women of color. We’ve been taught that allowing ourselves to experience emotions means we are weak, and that we should learn more to compromise and avoid conflict. We’ve been taught from day 1 to put all others’ needs and opinions above and before our own. We’ve been taught that we cannot own or acknowledge our own beauty or pleasure, because that is reserved only for men. We’ve been taught that if we speak up too loud, then we’ll get called a bitch, nasty woman, whore, or worse. Enough already.

My message to modern women looking to lead and spread their wisdom is this: you are perfect as you are. Nothing about you is wrong or less than, and you don’t have to be anything for anyone except your higher self. You will feel intimidated. You will feel fear. You will feel self-doubt, inadequate, and afraid. And that’s OK. But now is not the time to turn back. Now is the time to acknowledge those feelings–allow yourself to feel them–and then choose to let them go as you move forward, one empowered and embodied step at a time.

How has mentorship made an impact in your professional life?

I’ve been fortunate to have incredible and strong female mentors in my life both personally and professionally–some of which I know personally, others I’ve learned from through books, events, or online. I’ve experienced the humility that comes from being around wise women who have traveled the world, lived among indigenous cultures, and learned ancient wisdom from medicine women, priestesses, and shamans, who now pass that down.

I’ve experienced feeling at awe of female political figures for what they’ve had to go through to even run for office, often with families at home. I’ve come to respect my own mother in a whole new way as a single working parent with three children turned entrepreneur who has never let anyone’s lack of faith in her distract her from working towards her dreams. It’s my honor now to mentor women in my coaching practice and online course, as well as through private organizations in which I volunteer my time. I had ideas and I had dreams, but without the inspiration and support of mentors, I likely would have let them go.

Which other female leaders do you admire and why?

I’ve already mentioned my mother, but other than her, I have to honor my grandmothers who came from different cultures, yet took incredible risks and worked extremely hard to give their children better lives than they had–often while sacrificing their own personal wants and needs. Women today have more choices than what my grandmothers had, in terms of whether or not they wanted to marry, become mothers, or work. My grandmothers did not have a choice. Other female leaders I admire are Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou, Marie Forleo, Regena Thomashauer, Michelle Obama, Athena Perrakis, and Kaia Ra. These women shared and continue to share their truths, and raise their voices for female empowerment–some of which overcame extreme challenges themselves and despite that, answered the call to do their work, speak their truth, and support other women.

Finally, Hillary Clinton. I will be the first to admit that it took me a long time to make the effort to learn about all Hillary has accomplished and overcome despite extreme criticism to her as a wife, mother, and politician. I listened to the criticism by her male opponents, and by other women who felt triggered by Hillary’s drive who lashed out against her. But then I took time to read her story and see what she accomplished. And how she handled herself with grace and class every step of the way. She has paved the way for women in politics like none other, and it is my hope and expectation that whichever woman runs for president next, will have an easier time of it because of Hillary. I extend a deep bow of gratitude to her.

What’s your vision for women leaders? What legacy do you want to leave?

My vision for women leaders is that they look into their hearts, and ask their higher self for guidance on how they’re meant to lead and serve. My vision is that once they make that deep connection with the Goddess within, that they will too realize that leadership is not an option for women today–it is an absolute necessity. Once that realization is made, I encourage women to look to their natural talents, their passions, and their joy–that is what a successful leadership platform must be built from. The legacy I want to leave to young women today, and to my daughters and all little girls is that no matter who you are, where you come from, what color your skin is, you are a Goddess–you have a voice that will not be silenced, we are all one, and you ARE the future.

What inspired you to create your platform/ personal brand?

Though my platform and brand represents a global message of sacred feminism and female empowerment, it all started from my own challenges with skin, weight, and self-love. The brand started when I was first starting to make a shift in my own diet, lifestyle, mindset and consciousness, and it’s evolved to reflect that, though skincare is still the starting point for most women when they first encounter my brand. And skincare is important, because your skin is the container that holds, carries, and represents everything inside you in this life. It’s often the first thing you see in the morning, and the last thing you see at night. It’s how you present yourself to the world. So many women have skin conditions that interfere with their ability to see themselves for who they really are, and my brand strives to help them move past skin, and step into their true selves so they can be the leaders they’re meant to be.

Connect with Rachael on social media
Rachael’s Books: Love Your Skin, Love Yourself and The Sauce Code
Rachael’s Blog: Rachael’s Holistically Haute Blog
Rachael’s Podcast: The Rachael Pontillo Show 
Rachael’s YouTube channel: Rachael Pontillo

A couple of months ago, I shared an article with you on a topic that received a lot of attention, shares and feedback. It was all about healing from divorce and feeling whole again.

I was 24 years old when I fell deeply and intensely in love. I thought I would spend my entire life with this person. I trusted my choice in heart, body and soul. I was 29 when we married and I felt the joining of the two of us in my roots. While that deep, undeniable intense love brought magic and passion into my life, when we got divorced, I was left shattered.

Ending our marriage was unbelievably devastating, confusing, and shocking. I didn’t understand how I could have made such a wrong choice. I felt I had betrayed myself. How was I ever going to feel complete and whole again?

I literally felt the roots of my body had been ripped out. After years of healing and forgiving, I moved on and transformed. I buried the dead and learned that my first marriage had been a lesson of self-worth.

Recently, I opened my heart and began dating again…in New York of all places! New York has a bad reputation for singles who are interested in connecting, bonding and creating beautiful intimacy. It’s a vortex of rushed energy, transient people, busy people, traveling people, guarded people, jaded people and sometimes in the hustle of it all, our minds go into overdrive and we close our hearts.

Women and the sacred feminine inside all of us run on heart energy. This is our beautiful, beating beacon of life and radiance and this is where we turn our light on! Naturally, women like to relate and long to share this radiance with their friends, family and romantic partners. It’s natural to want to share this energy and feel a complete sense of belonging and love. It can get imbalanced when we long for that completion outside of us if we are not consistently filling our own cup with self-love.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever longed for a guy to complete you, love you, nurture and protect you. I certainly have!

The whole mindset around a man completing a woman is deeply engrained in our collective female psyche. We are told, convinced even, that we need a man to nurture and love us, to provide for us, and to protect us from the dangers of the world. What if there was a different truth than the one we’ve been listening to for years and generations and centuries? What if we have what we need to lead rich and fulfilling lives we possess within ourselves.

How does this feel to you? Comfortable? Uncomfortable? Let’s work this one through together.

Many of you know my divorce story. What you don’t know is that every time I’ve tried to date or have a relationship I was a mess in the beginning stages. I was filled with anxiety, helplessness and powerlessness. I met this guy years ago; let’s call him David. When I met David I was living in Ibiza, Spain. We were in romance bliss, but that didn’t last.

Since David was a marine-biologist and loved the freedom of the seas, he traveled and was away most days the summer we were together. I went out of my way to see him when it was convenient for him. I became anxious and crazy and my lovely, relaxed energy started to become one of desperation and needing to get his attention. David started pulling away more and more. The frequency of calls and texts declined. He stopped initiating contact (but would always respond when I reached out to him, acting nice and normal like always). Eventually, I stopped reaching out because it felt imbalanced, ignored, rejected and incomplete.

I dated many, many guys after David and I observed the times when I was overly available, feeling anxious, clingy and needy for their attention – I was giving away my power. The problem was I hadn’t worked on myself. I had a very needy mindset and I derived way too much of my self-worth from how men responded to me. That’s not what confidence looks like. (Read: 10 Things Confident People Dare To Do Differently.)

As empowered women, we all have all the resources we need to survive available to us within ourselves. This is our deep, inner power. So it’s time to stop searching for it in the outside world.

How do we do that?

1. Be Emotionally Whole
Being emotionally independent means that you take responsibility for your own happiness. It means being realistic about who’s in control of your happiness. As in keeping clear of your individual identity so you do not “lose yourself” in the other person.

The other person is not responsible for making you happy. YOU are, and when you follow and stay in control of your own happiness, then your life is empowered.

2. Stand Your Ground
Don’t let a guy disrespect your needs. You do not have to put up with any bad behavior. If he treats you in any way that’s not okay with you, let him know. Don’t spiral and over-analyze what you did wrong to be disrespected.

If a guy flakes or cancels on a date and gives you an insincere excuse, do you let him know it’s okay and clear your schedule to meet up another time?

If a guy knows he can get away with anything he wants and you’ll still be waiting around for him, he’s not going to value you and instead he’ll take advantage of you.

Next time he calls or texts, you can let him know. “My time is valuable. I’m available this day Thursday and Friday nights.” Then he says great I’ll meet you at this time Thursday at Landmarc Bar. You don’t need to confirm. If he is a gentleman, then he will honor the commitment and meet you there. If he flakes and cancels then he is not honoring the commitment and you do not want to reward his behavior. So you say, “I’m really happy to meet up with you and I like it when people honor their commitments and stick to plans. Since you’ve already canceled twice, this isn’t going to work for me. Thanks, I’ll be seeing you around.”

3. Believe In Yourself And That You Are A Prize Worth Winning
Men value things they have to earn. Be confident and see yourself as the prize that your man has to work hard for to win. Being the prize is all about inner confidence and knowing that you are worthy of being loved, adored, and worshipped.

If you feel unworthy or unsure that he will step up to the plate to pursue you and are constantly trying to impress a guy and win him over, he’s going to intuitively sense that you don’t value yourself. Men are just as intuitive as women!

When you treat him like the prize and work hard to win him over, you are valuing him much more than you are valuing yourself. If he feels like you did all the work to get him into a relationship, he’s going to feel trapped because it wasn’t his choice.

A man falls in love to a woman when it’s his choice to chase after her. He has to feel like he won the prize.

4. Be Vulnerable And Connect With Your True Self
A big part of valuing yourself is your willingness to be vulnerable. I know, it can be scary to see and accept the real you. But you have to be vulnerable enough to be who you really are and feel comfortable that other people will like you for your real self as well.

How do you become vulnerable? By connecting to the beautiful and unique YOU; as in coming into alignment with our higher-self or true-self. This is the part of you that wants you to be the master of your own direction. Only you can truly see you, and only you can truly know what you need. When we put the responsibility on someone to provide for us, we have created a situation that is set up to fail.

5. Make Self-Love and Self-Care Your Foundation For Love
Take the time to nurture yourself throughout the day was and actually listen to your own needs and body.

A lot of women get caught up in the fantasy of having a boyfriend. They might not care that much about the guy they’re with, so long as they are with somebody and don’t have to be alone. Be comfortable with being alone and honor yourself with daily, weekly and monthly rituals. It’s very nourishing to make nurturing rituals for yourself Explore My Top 6 Self-Love Rituals here.

Acknowledge and appreciate yourself. When you recognize your best qualities and show your sincere appreciation for the gorgeous Goddess you are, you will raise your self-confidence and fall in love with you.

6. Return To Old-Fashioned Values
If you were raised with old-fashioned values then dating apps and casual sex may feel uncomfortable to you. On the other hand, you may feel completely empowered dating multiple men. Whatever the case, own your sexual power.

Don’t just give it away to anyone who gives attention and buys you a drink. Your sexuality is a gift and a treasure. When you save yourself after getting to know another person and connect with them emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physical in an organic way you build intimacy, trust, friendship and connection. These are high-vibrational qualities. Values like these can hold a relationship together without the need for control, drama, manipulation and mind-games.

What’s the rush? Empowered women have sexual urges, desires and cravings too. They want sex. They don’t NEED sex. They won’t die without it. So they don’t find themselves in compromising situations that diminish self-esteem. They also realize their body is their temple and only someone worthy of respecting that temple is allowed entry.

7. Practice Self-Empowerment, Confidence and Courage
A life of empowerment or enlightenment requires us to show up in class, do our inner work of slaying our emotional fears.

What are our fearful reactions? Fear of rejection. Jealousy. Fear of loss. Fear of abandonment. Anxiety. How do we transform them into loving responses? Through self-worth.

Connect to your self-worth in such a way that you love yourself first before you love another person, and the love that you do give to another is the overflow of love you have for yourself. In other words, make yourself first.

8. Practice Personal Balance
Bring a depth of personal balance into your life. Personal balance is the persistent focus of self-awareness, self-love and self-loyalty. Remember how I spoke earlier about having felt like I had betrayed myself? That’s where self-loyalty comes in. Be loyal to who are at your core. And if you don’t know what that is yet, enjoy the discovery process.

Balance in relationships is where you are not pushed around by the emotional imbalance of others. Your connection to your true-self / spiritual-self keeps you in tune how you respond to your happiness. You are aware of the unique you. When you are in that place in you, your relationships will reflect that balance.

When we become imbalanced, eg. Expect the other to fill our needs, heal our wounds, resolve past mistakes and failures, be responsible for your moods, etc. This is disempowerment in action and we are in a place of imbalance. We are placing the other person first. This action comes from fear of losing or rejection. Connecting to self-worth insures that everyone that you become involved with reflects to you the same self-worth you feel for yourself.

9. Check In With Yourself
All these techniques are meant to empower you.

Empowerment = joy
Disempowerment = drama

Ask yourself.
Does this inspire me?
Does this empower me?
Does this energize me?

Remember ladies, there’s no way to be perfect in relationships and there’s no reason we ever should. All our flaws come out so it’s about being gentle with ourselves, accepting who we are in the moment and loving ourselves through the process.

It’s about learning and growing in relationships. Not looking like you have it together 100% all of the time, in control and invincible. Be willing to discover yourself and who you truly are. Men don’t fall in love the same way women do. They connect with you when you are connected to yourself, your worth, your value. This is your greatest source of strength and power.

It took a long time to realize I needed to stop prioritizing guys above myself. When you are a woman who values herself and is confident in who she is, you don’t need to play mind games and you will naturally activate a man’s instinctive desire to pursue.

Whenever I am dating someone new, I take it slow. It’s easy for me, for anyone one of us, to be swept away in romance and sensuality. In our busy lives we crave it and long for it. As long as you know that you are the source of sensuality, love and pleasure, you can generate those feelings within yourself instead of looking for a man to fill those needs for you.

Be sure to share your thoughts with me in the comments below. I want to know if you’ve under-valued yourself and/or felt under-valued in relationships and how you love yourself up with self-love rituals!

Getting divorced felt like a tsunami taking over my life. I became a victim losing everything that was important to me. It was an emotionally crippling process that left me feeling small, undeserving and unworthy.

One by one, I saw my home, my job, my circle of friends, the city I loved and the natural beauty of northern California slip away from my view. This loss brought me to my knees. Some days I would cry for hours. Other days I would smoke cigarette after cigarette to numb the pain. On the outside I seemed to be invincible. My shiny black hair, glowing skin, manicured red nails and fashionable clothing all aided in my facade. On the inside I felt drained and disempowered. One day after coming home from work, I looked in the mirror. My eyes were bright red and filled with grief. My silk blouse was torn and I did not notice. I felt small and vulnerable. I was shrinking. I held my face in my hands, shaking. I wondered how I could navigate through the pain. My belief in myself was sinking as self-doubt crept in.

How was I going to show up through the divorce process? With fear- knowing I lost everything of importance to me? Or with love and courage?

It was the most important choice of my life: to believe in myself again and feel there was something inside of me greater than pain, doubt and obstacles.

Yes, I lost my home, husband and security, but I still had my imagination. So I began dreaming of a life I deeply desired. The life of the woman I wanted to become. I had hopes, dreams and desires buried within me. I wanted to explore. I was working in San Francisco and New York in the advertising industry. I started to dream of living in the Mediterranean for a year. I imagined living in Spain, relaxing on the beach, listening to flamenco music, detoxing with fresh food, learning yoga, swimming in cerulean waters and dancing with wild waves in the sunset.

I made my plans. I researched places to stay, saved money and networked on Facebook.

Four months later, I arrived in Ibiza with the intention of living there for one summer to retreat and heal.

It wasn’t easy. I had to learn a new language, make new friends and create a new home for myself. I found a beautiful white, furnished apartment. I fell in love with its silk curtains as they floated in the ocean breeze along long verandahs and sunlight poured in through swaying palms. I began taking belly dancing classes and running three days a week on a long beach road. I changed my eating habits and ate fresh salads every day, went to the market with a straw basket to buy fruits and made myself juices and smoothies.

I purchased a turquoise journal and wrote in it often. Pouring onto its pages my dreams, desires, wishes and goals. I wrote about my regrets and the things I longed for. I began to know myself again. I also saw what was hidden. There was a beautiful, intuitive voice singing inside of me, letting me know what I could do and who I could become.

I also began a new ritual every morning. I created a vision board of women dancing and yoga instructors teaching. I included women I admired like Shakti Gawain and Colette Baron-Reid. These women created powerful healing systems to empower women. I would look my vision board every morning, chant “I am worthy, valuable and deserving” ten times and then run for three miles. I wanted to see, hear and feel strength flowing through my body. Every day I programmed my mind and body in this way. As I nurtured and gave to myself all the love I once wanted from my husband, I became stronger, bolder and braver. New opportunities opened up for me.

One day, at a dance festival, a producer saw me dancing with musicians who were playing in the plaza. He asked me if I would dance in one of his summer shows and I agreed. I performed every weekend at sunset on a magical hilltop villa overlooking the ocean. With the sun in my face and music spreading in the breeze, I whirled like a gypsy in a cascade of red silk and gold jewelry.

I was also invited to teach a dance workshop at a healing festival. In a Balinese pavilion among sacred orange groves, lemon trees and neroli blossoms. I prepared the dance temple with incense and red rose petals. When the music began, I closed my eyes and lifted my skirt in preparation. The sounds of Persian chanting flowed through the room. I swayed, swirled, and opened my heart to the sky. The other dancers, moved like silk, flowing and swaying with the sacred rhythm inside the room.

There was a magical energy in the temple that day. The energy moved through us, activating our bodies into ecstasy and opening our hearts. Some women went into trance, others felt electric shocks flow through their hands. With hands on their hearts, whirling free, I could see their faces turned to the sky. These women were tasting the light of their own ecstasy.

The creative energy, fire and feminine freedom had a name. Shakti.

I began researching and studying Shakti. I wanted to know everything about this feminine force flowing through me, burning obstacles away, opening up my inner fire and creativity. I began embodying Shakti. Owning my inner resources and gifts as the source of my power. From this place, I discovered my intuition, personal and spiritual power, ability to manifest, magnetize and transform. This source power came from my spiritual identity; and it became a great influence when I opened up to the flow of spiritual assistance, power and wisdom it provided.

All summer I danced at healing festivals, weddings, fashion shows, and concerts with famous, sacred musicians. A summer became one year and one year led three years. My life began to change in little ways at first and then in big ways. I was interviewed in magazines and on radio on how I awakened Shakti and my inner power. I was invited to dance across the Mediterranean in Turkey, Greece, and Cyprus. By the third year I had written a book called Shakti Power, and built a new brand, Shakti Priestess, to empower women in discovering their inner power, fire and creativity.

I began to write about the sacred teachings of the Sacred Feminine and found a publisher who wanted to work with me to share my wisdom with the world. Together with many other talented co-authors, I co-authored 3 best-selling books in the women’s inspirational genre and touched the hearts of thousands of women. I felt overjoyed knowing how women were responding with such positive enthusiasm to my story of how I healed and transformed in Ibiza, and to the love I was offering the world.

As these women continued to ask for more empowerment principles, I recorded guided meditations on the four powers of Shakti, created eBooks and produced empowering podcasts to help listeners embrace Shakti in deeper ways. I intended to reach more and men-to inspire them to reach deep within themselves. I shared tools, techniques and rituals that could initiate their journey into awakening and empowerment.
I continued my daily ritual of looking at my vision board with the faces of inspiring teachers shining with wisdom and grace. I saw the journey I had taken from the day I looked in the mirror and promised myself I would believe again. Five years later, I had traveled a thousand miles from being a disempowered woman to being an empowered woman.

The loss I once faced allowed me to empty myself of who I no longer was and values I no longer believed in. Shakti gave me a gift. The power and ability to create my own world.

Now, I am enjoying a life based on serving and empowering women. I am sharing my gifts. I am increasing my economic power and expanding my brand globally. I am speaking at conferences and collaborating with women who want to make a difference in the world. I hold a frequency to shine light, share gifts and empower others.

I have become the heroine of my life, not the victim. I believe every woman can discover her inner power and wise voice – to create a life worthy of her deepest desires and grow into an authentic vision of herself.

If you are a women seeking to discover your inner power, I have a few tips to help get you started.

First, it is crucial to trust your inner voice. Envision your ideal life, desires and dreams.
How do you want to feel? What are the things you want to do the most now?
Let your voice flow and listen to what you say. Journal what you find to connect consistently to this voice. Let that voice and desire be stronger than any fear.

Claim your personal power. Believe in your worthiness. Believe in the power and beauty of your dreams. Write down all of the goals you want to achieve and the character traits you love about yourself. Create a brave list of adventurous actions you wish to take of things you are aching to do and places you desire to go. Read this list over and over. Discover your passion and your gifts. The key is to believe in yourself and go after your dreams!

Transform pain into wisdom. Learn to solve problems on your own and accept the blessing in your situation. Transform depression into the expression of your unique gifts. Transform deep loss and regret by letting go of an identity and values that no longer serve the future you, the true and the authentic you. Focus on the future and re-build based on what brings you joy. Make time to discover what brings meaning to your life. You need people who support and uplift you throughout this process. Hire a coach and join a like-minded community who will cheer you on celebrate your success with you.

Say yes to your life. Say yes to your dreams. Say yes to you. You choose the life you want to lead. You choose the partner of your dreams. You choose how your deepest desires will manifest in this life.
Most important of all, you choose own your magnificence. The world needs your brilliance, joy, talent, grace and radiance. Hold on to the vision of your life. Sing your soul song out into the world and be a heroine- a shining your light for the entire world to see and rejoice in your inner beauty.

Zinnia Gupte is an inspirational bestselling author, speaker, priestess and sacred dancer who helps women embrace their sacred feminine power. She is an expert at connecting women with their souls’ desires. Zinnia is the author of Messages From Shakti and host of the popular podcast Shakti Power. She is also the co-author of Inspiration For A Woman’s Soul: Cultivating Joy, Women of Midlife Wisdom 2, and Unleash Your Magnificence from the leader in women’s inspirational publishing, Inspired Living Publishing. Her forthcoming book, Shakti Power: Awaken Your Inner Power, Beauty, Intuition, and Magic will soon be available to the world. She teaches sacred dance every year in Spain at the Ibiza Spirit Festival. Reach Zinnia at www.shaktipriestess.com and receive your free Shakti Goddess Gift.

Be The Heroine Of Your Life, Not The Victim first appeared in 20 Beautiful Women Volume 3

One of the most amazing leaps an awakening woman can make in her journey is to recognize how her personal power comes from making adult decisions and better choices. Sometimes a person is so lost in reactive behaviors, old hurts, and their wounded self that they don’t realize they are trapped in a stage of childhood that limits their personal growth and relationships.

It’s important to journey through your inner emotional landscape and embrace your emotions. Reflecting and working with your inner child helps you face and heal unresolved grief and unmet needs from childhood. This grief can feel like depression, controlling behaviors, anger, intimacy problems, and poor communication skills. A mature woman who is expressing her authentic power must face and heal these hurts in her journey towards wholeness.

Becoming whole and healthy means embracing your warrior – the emotionally mature adult inside of you.

Sometimes we don’t even recognize the grown-ups we are supposed to be because we either are stuck in a childhood or teenage stage in emotional development or we simply didn’t have appropriate role models or support systems.

Relationship difficulties show us that our inner adult needs to emerge with a new set of truths, standards, boundaries, guidelines and strategies.

If you se and feel a pattern of imbalance, constant fighting and shutting down in your relationships or if you’ve developed unhealthy behaviors, reactions, or decisions, you can start to look realistically at yourself and make some changes now. This can become an opportunity to nourish and activate your inner warrior to make sure he or she is alive and well!

Your inner warrior is a person who is authentic, truthful, and willing to grow, learn, and accept his or her own flaws and mistakes. She develops attitudes and behaviors in relation to herself and her environment, which lifts her past childishness and dependency.

Here are some of the characteristics of an emotionally mature adult:

1. Appreciates the opportunity to grow and accepts criticism gracefully
2. Does not expect special consideration from anyone or have a self-inflated sense of entitlement.
3. Controls his/her temper but can express anger or frustration in healthy ways.
4. Meets emergencies with calm and poise.
5. Is not easily hurt or wounded by others.
6. Doesn’t leak her power, tales responsibility of her own actions without blaming others.
7. Has outgrown the “all or nothing” stage, and recognizes that no person or situation is totally evil or purely good.
8. Has shed the “bratty phase” and has learned that she is not the center of the universe and must often adjust to other people and situations.
9. Can endure defeat and disappointment without whining or complaining.
10. Does not worry and obsess about people and situations beyond her realm of control. 

Tips for strengthening your inner warrioress:

1. Is not given to boasting or “showing off” in socially unacceptable ways.
2. Be happy when others enjoy success or good fortune.
3. Develop strong boundaries. Know where another person ends and when you begin.
4. Be aware of when you are “fault-finding” or complaining.
5. Plans things in advance rather than trusting to the inspiration of the moment or leaving things for others to handle.
6. Show kindness, patience and good manners, especially with those who are less capable, sophisticated or mature.
7. Create core values, guiding principles, beliefs or values that create the framework for decisions and actions. Stand by them.
8. Learn how to be solution-oriented rather than needing to be right.
9. Feels comfortable with a wide variety of people and situations.
10. Experience and understand your own deepest feelings and needs, and express your feelings and needs in appropriate and constructive ways.
11. Act on and react to life circumstances with intelligence and wisdom.
12. Be flexible in response to life’s changing circumstances.
13. Channel energy, both positive and negative, into creative contributions to yourself and the community.
14. Don’t indulge in destructive habits or behaviors.